I just have this weird hang-up where I don't like to hear other people scratching themselves in the office restroom.
Like, yeah, I know that once you enter and close the door of a bathroom stall, it is really your space to use as you please. You can use the toilet, you can check your text messages, and you can scratch yourself anywhere that itches. I'm not trying to be dirty here - women who wear tights or other binding garments often get itches in the seam areas along the thighs. BUT. I don't want to hear the scratching. One quick "SKRITCH", that's fine. But when I'm four stalls down and trying to take care of business, I do NOT want to hear a long, drawn out scratching session - especially not one punctuated with an audible sigh.
And while we're on the subject of behavior in the office restroom - and I am talking about an office restroom at the prestigious corporate headquarters of a Fortune 500 company - why can't grown women remember to flush the goddamn toilet? Like I just said, it's not like I work at Wal-Mart or an adult video superstore or some other place where you might expect bathroom anarchy. I work in product development for a company that shall remain nameless (but if you ask me directly, I'll tell you). And apparently I work with some women who have forgotten how to operate a toilet.
I have never - NEVER - been rushed to the point where I didn't have time to flush the toilet. I can just imagine someone thinking to herself "Shit! I am so late for this meeting! But I just urinated, and now I need to flush...FUCK IT! THERE'S NO TIME!"
The only other possibility is that people are forgetting to flush, and if that is the case, I sure hope these aren't the same people who are calculating my payroll.
I suppose there is also the additional possibility that they thought they had flushed, but indeed the flush was "incomplete". I like to pride myself on being able to recognize the sound of an incomplete flush and take corrective action if necessary.
There are also women at my office who like to brush their teeth in the restroom. Now, this is not nearly as disgusting as abandoning a full toilet, but no less irritating. How bad do your teeth have to get in order for you to start brushing them at work, after lunch? What, do you have fucking stage 5 gingivitis?
And don't even get me started about the people who use the bathroom as kind of an informal place to catch up with old friends. Come on ladies, don't you know that's what the elevator is for?
In conclusion, I would like my own private bathroom, with a solid-gold toilet and a huge flatscreen tv showing "Law & Order" 24 hours a day. Sam Waterston relaxes me.
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7 comments:
if you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat.
my biggest pet peeve is having to clean other peoples urine off of the toilet seat before i can use the toilet... barfola!! nothing is worse than not noticing, and sitting in someone else's urine. BLECK.
this seems to be an issue for many... i don't get it.
I really appreciate your hate for people who do not have proper flushing etiquette. I get thoroughly pissed off when I walk in on that. Plus, I work on a floor with a nursing staffing office. Hopefully they aren't teaching the people they hire that policy. Gross!
that. was. funny. jess, you crack me up. and i could use some crack up right now... the scratching ! i always realize when i start doing it (tights !) that i have to stop... it really is kind of odd to hear someone scratching. don't they know that what the elevator is for ? : )
check, check and check. you have identified all the pet peeves to a T.. and honestly, I must agree.. sad as it may be, I've almost come expect the typical bathroom gross-ness, but the tooth brushing is so irritating that it causes a hateful churning in my soul. Don't know why, but really, can I wash my hands here please, minus your frothy toothpaste spit?
Right On! and thanks for covering such a sensitive, unfortunately common problem in working environments. can you start a top ten office pet peeves list? This would be tops, but how about the office whistler? We have a manager who strolls around the office whistling through out the day. Not the most conducive environment when trying to concentrate or talking to a client on the phone.
What a sensational article. great wit, humorous, thought provoking and entertaining. great job.
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